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Well well well



Where did I leave off last?



Oh yes, my family hating me and being whiny and emo.



Let's start off on a happy note.



I got to talk to my caseworker for disability this past week. She was very nice sounding and listened to me as I explained things and she told me that she is going to work really hard to get me some help. This makes me very excited.



A week and half ago I was shocked by a package I got from Sean. In it was a stuffed panda bear he got me for Valentines day.



A little history on him and I.



We have been married in Dofus for almost a year now. About 8-9 months ago we realized we cared for each other. We have been planning on meeting, but things kept coming up financially and well, that is how life goes. Him and I do have feelings for each other, this is shown in so many ways.



Anyways. He sent me a stuffed panda so I would think of him on that day. This means a lot to me because his class is a panda class in game. I ordered a necklace from etsy for him. It was neon green with a fairy and a heart in a bottle. Which is fitting because I play a fairy. XD



As of the 18th, we are now finally officially together. Or facebook official. (Those on my friends list there might have seen it)



We wanted to wait to be physically together, but we know what we feel.



Right now, the path is leading to a May meeting. We haven't decided who is going to who yet, but it's probably going to be him coming to Florida.



A few other highlights:

I've been sitting on babies a lot lately. (babysitting) It is a nice change and gets me out of the house and such. It also gives my friends a chance to get stuff done without being worried about dragging 2-3 kids with them.



My time here on VR hasn't been a lot lately. This isn't because of the drama or other site issues. In all honesty, I just don't feel like I need to be devoting my time here. I have a lot of real life things going on that I would prefer to get taken care of. I read journals still, read the House forum, but I prefer to focus on my life.



My mother situation didn't change much, though it took teeth pulling to get my damn W2 from her. -.-



Living situation is still pretty good. I have been trying to control my anger and anxiety the best I can. I did slip up once. It happens. I am not a perfect person and I do feel bad for screaming and such.



I've had a lot of heartburn lately. I am not sure if it's what I am eating or if it's stress. I'm sure it's a bit of both.



I have been sort of adopted by one of the cats here. There are 4 of them. Squiggles, Yuki, Daisy, and Lily. The first one doesn't like me much. Yuki is loud and we call him douchebag...cause he is a douchebag. Daisy is a sweetheart and loves everyone. Lily....well she is the evil cat. She hates all the others and torments Yuki.



She. Adores. Me.



She hisses at the other cats when they get close to us, she curls up on the table next to me all day, and she sometimes sleeps with me. I will have to get pictures of her to post here. She is awesome.



I didn't want this entry to be emo sounding. So I think I will leave it here. :)

Hrm..



Almost halfway through the month and still no new journal background.



I guess I needed a break lol



Let's see.



Filed for disability again. Not holding my breath, but talking to a few people that have been on it and have dealt with these people before...it takes a few tries. The government is rather stingy.



Last night we got into a talk about our families and such. I realized I really do miss my Bumpa. It's been a few years since he passed away, but it hurt me to relive the last few years of his life in my mind. Watching someone you love lose their mind and not know who you are is probably the hardest thing ever. You get so frustrated at them for not knowing who you are, and then you get mad at yourself for getting frustrated. It's like they are gone, but you can still touch them and hear them moving around.



Been playing Dofus a LOT more then I should have been. Just been trying to zone out of my mind with all the crap going on in there. My character is at level 199...trying so hard to get the big 200. Playing my alts a lot as well.



I rarely 'interact' anymore on here. I don't know why, I'm just not in a people mood. I get like this around Valentines Day. It never changes.



I could lie to you and say that my blahness is because I'm single and alone on Valentines Day. But of course, that would be a lie.



I hate Valentines Day because of what happened me on that day. I don't have to tell the world what happened. I am not seeking pity about it. I'm not going to go "oh woe is me" that day. I'm going to do what I do every year. I'm going to cry for a few minutes, hit the wall, and go about my day. It is how I deal with it.



I remember when I was in a facility and we had on staff counselors. They all knew what happened that day since it was in my mental health file. And they kept bugging me to take the day out of classes and normal stuff to do intensive therapy. I fucking hated that. I just wanted to be normal. I appreciated the effort, but I didn't need to talk about what happened. I didn't want to relive those moments. I would rather just move on with my life. I remember screaming at them that I didn't care if it would be better for my mental health, I just didn't want to talk about it.



It gets better as time goes on. Or so they say. lol



Let's see what else has been in my little brain.



Chocolate covered raisins. They rock my socks.



I finally got my music collection to over 12k songs. I should organize them...but that is kind of scary. lol



I'm sorta of eating a lot better. Or more often. That is always and issue for me. I forget to eat x_x



My new roomies make sure I stuff my face at least twice a day. Even though they notice I eat really small portions. (why am I a fat ass again?)



Well..I guess that is all.